I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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