she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
