i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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