I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize