Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
