I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
