i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize