and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
