areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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