Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
