woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
