We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
