You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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