Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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