Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
