Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
