I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
