Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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