Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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