I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
