we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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