I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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