I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
