your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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