The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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