Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
