talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize