I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
