I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
