i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
