ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
