Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
