i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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