we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
