"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
