you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
