I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
