we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
