Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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