Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My cat gives me a boner
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
