Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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