I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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