I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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