i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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