dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
