Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
only you would photoshop your dick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
