it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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