i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
