Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
