Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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