Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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