I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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