I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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