When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize