What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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