I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
