My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
