benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
