I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You ruined the universe
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
