dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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