Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
