I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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