Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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