I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
