How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
