I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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